Beren (beren_writes) wrote,
Beren
beren_writes

There's no milk in the fridge *pout*

I felt the need to bitch about the fact that there is no milk in the fridge at work, and hence I cannot have my breakfast. Normally I would nip across to the Newsagents and pick up a pint, but they seem to be surropunded by lorries for restocking, so I'm hungry and have to wait. *pout*

A friend just sent me a whole list of bad jokes and I have to share 'cause they made me laugh:
1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
5. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
6. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
7. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
8. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
12. Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad, or maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
14. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
15. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
16. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
17. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
18. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
19. A priest and a pastor from the local churches are standing by the side of the road, pounding a sign into the ground, that reads: The End is Near! Turn Yourself Around Now Before it's Too Late! As a car sped past them, the driver yelled, "Leave us alone you religious nuts!" From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash. The pastor turned to the priest and asked, "Do you think the sign should just say "Bridge Out”
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  • My tweets

    Mon, 13:05: RT @ Pochiperpe: Buongiorno ~🖤 https://t.co/Q224hGUZUP

  • My tweets

    Sat, 12:06: RT @ GPBmadeit: Me and Rebecca are going to chat up her dope new memoir "Surviving the White Gaze." March 25, 5pm PST. Come thru.…

  • My tweets

    Sat, 11:27: RT @ moonlettuce: So, he's a bit of a psycho killer (qu'est-ce que c'est🤣) wearing Luca Marinelli's face, so of course I was going…