Fandom: Tokio Hotel
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, the real people in it are used without their permission and I definitely don't own them or have any copyright to any part of any of them. I do not believe any of this happened, is likely to happen or should happen it is simply a story created around known facts about those involved.
Summary: While indulging in a little porn marathon Bill makes a discovery.
Author's Notes: Thanks to Soph for the beta
Word count: 2,630
Link: Other MMOM fic
Bill was beginning to think that he just wasn't in the right mood. He was supposed to be seventeen and perpetually horny, but the movie they were watching just wasn't doing it for him. It had been Tom's idea; no surprise there, watching porn and wanking; something the four of them hadn't done in a while. It had sounded like a laugh at the time, a bit of male bonding, but Bill wasn't enjoying it as much as he thought he should have been. The whole two guys on one girl thing, which was the theme of the movie, usually made him hot, but although he was enjoying it like any red-blooded male, it wasn't giving him that final spark. He'd seen it all before, since porn was not something he was remotely new to, and, if anything, he was a little bored with it.
"Maybe I'm too tired," he finally said after the other three had sat there for a good few minutes politely ignoring the fact that he seemed to be having a little trouble.
He felt vaguely betrayed by his own body; he was a teenager, wanking was supposed to be second nature. It was all a bit frustrating, because he wanted the satisfaction of release, he just couldn't find it. Usually he was as into the porn as the other three appeared to have been, but not, it seemed, at that moment.
"Been working little Bill too hard in the shower?" Tom teased him and he swiped at his twin with the hand that was not currently occupied.
That spurred him on; no way was Tom going to be making fun of him for days. Fixing his eyes on the screen he went for it one more time, only as he concentrated on the movie he realised that the scene had moved on from where he had last been paying attention. They hadn't really bothered to figure out what porn was on, they'd just turned it on and to his surprise the woman had moved out of the picture. The two men were kissing and fondling each other and Bill felt something inside him sit up and take notice.
They were all boys, whenever they watched porn it was tits and arse with guys seeing to girls; Bill had never seen anything remotely resembling guy on guy before. It shocked him to the core when that certain something he had been missing clicked into place and he was coming all over his stomach and hand.
"Knew you wouldn't let me down, Little Brother," Tom said, still teasing him, but Bill was barely listening.
His eyes were fixed on the screen and he was trying to rationalise what had just happened. The guy on girl had left him lukewarm, but the guy on guy had got him off; that just couldn't be right, could it?
"Bill, you okay?" Tom asked, sounding concerned.
Tom had clearly not been paying attention to the movie any more, Bill was sure of it, or his twin would have noticed. He saw Georg tap Tom on the arm and point to what was still going on, on the screen and Bill suddenly decided that he did not want to be there any more. Grabbing a handful of tissues from the box on the cabinet he cleaned himself up as fast a humanly possible, all but threw himself off the bed and put his clothing back together as quickly as he could.
"I'll see you in the morning," he said hurriedly and all but ran for the door.
He needed to think. His reaction must had been just something to do with being tired and seeing something new; he was sure it didn't mean anything ... almost.
"Bill," he heard Tom calling after him, but he didn't stop, in fact he didn't pause until he was in his own hotel room.
Once the door slammed shut behind him, he stood there in the little hallway bit while his brain replayed the last few minutes over and over again. The more he thought about it, the less it made sense to him and he could feel himself becoming more and more worked up about it. He was so tense in only a couple of minutes that a knock on the door almost made his heart explode.
"Bill," Tom's voice sounded through the door, "let me in."
"Go away," Bill said pointedly, feeling mortally embarrassed and not wanting to see anyone at all.
"No," Tom said firmly; "you don't let me in I'm going to security and getting another key. Let me in."
Very rarely did Tom ever speak to him like that; this was Tom in full big brother mode and Bill stood there, torn.
"Bill," Tom's tone held a warning; Bill knew his twin would do exactly what he had said.
Reluctantly he shuffled over to the door and flicked it open, hurrying back into the room before Tom entered, sitting on the farthest top corner of the bed and picking up a pillow to hug, almost for protection. His mind was still spinning and he didn't know what to do or say.
Tom came in, closed the door and then walked towards him, sitting down no more than a foot away from him.
"Why'd you run away, Bill?" Tom asked gently, but firmly.
Bill really didn't want to answer, but he knew Tom would keep on at him until he said something.
"You saw the screen," was all he could eventually make himself say.
"So you're embarrassed because you got off while watching two guys?" Tom asked even though Bill was sure his twin already knew all the answers. "You were right on the edge anyway; you probably just saw skin on skin."
Tom was trying to make everything alright; Tom always tried to make everything alright when it came to him, but Tom couldn't take away what was in Bill's head now. If it had just been skin on skin he could have dealt with it; a little bit of being laughed at and it would have all been over, but he knew what he had reacted to. He had known exactly what he was watching and it had been that knowledge that had given him the extra boost. His body had definitely liked the whole male/male thing.
"I didn't just see skin on skin," he admitted eventually; he couldn't lie to Tom.
Now that the idea was there, he wasn't sure it would go away. Squeezing the pillow tightly, he waited for his twin's verdict.
"So you liked guy on guy..." Tom started to say.
"I'm not gay," Bill finally voiced what was bothering him and he was adamant about it.
Tom sat there and looked at him for a while.
"I know that," his twin finally said; "unless you are a better actor than I think you are, I have seen you with girls, but, Bill, it wouldn't matter if you found out you were."
"I'm not," Bill was not having Tom think something that wasn't true.
"Okay, you're not," Tom agreed and he hoped it wasn't just to appease him, "but you definitely liked something and y'know, it's not impossible that you could like both. The movie was kind of boring."
"You got off, and so did Georg and Gustav," Bill pointed out.
Tom made a face.
"We're all tired," Tom tried again, "and maybe you are more tired than the rest of us. You have to deal with being the face of the band after all."
"Wasn't too tired when I looked back," Bill said and knew he sounded petulant now.
Tom gave him a long even look.
"Okay," his twin said eventually, "you liked the two guys. It might have been just a momentary thing, you might just like watching guy on guy, or you might be bisexual. Any of the above are okay, Bill; any of them."
The expression on Tom's face was sincere, but Bill still wasn't sure. He really didn't know why he had reacted the way he had; it didn't make any sense to him and so he couldn't work out what to do.
"Come back with me," Tom coaxed with a small smile, "and we can all have a drink and forget about the whole thing for tonight. We all need to relax."
Bill felt himself blushing.
"I can't go back," he said quietly, "you go, I'll just stay here."
Tom raised an eyebrow at that.
"If they say anything I'll beat them to a pulp," his twin promised and made him smile just a little bit. "Come on, Bill, I don't want to leave you here and if we don't go back Gustav and Georg will be worried."
The whole incident was so embarrassing, but Tom made it sound as everything was okay. He didn't want to let Tom down and so he slowly nodded. The smile on Tom's face was worth the effort it took and, when Tom stood up, so did he. He could be brave for Tom.
Bill moved the cover on his bunk and stopped dead as he saw what was waiting on the mattress. There was a magazine with a little yellow post-it on it and the magazine had an almost naked man on the front. He climbed in quickly and closed the curtains, turning on the little light above his head. The note was in Tom's cursive handwriting.
"You won't know for sure unless you try," were his brother's words of wisdom.
Under the gay magazine was another one he hadn't see that was more what he would expect from Tom, since there was a semi-naked, busty blond on the front. It was clear what his brother expected him to do with the magazines. For a few minutes he just sat there looking at the covers of the two publications and then he made his decision. Moving onto his knees he stuck he head out of the curtains.
"I'm going to take a nap," he announced to the bus in general, although he knew Tom would definitely know what he was really up to.
Then he retreated back inside and closed the curtains with a finality that meant the others wouldn't bother him. It had become a rule very quickly in such cramped living conditions; if the curtains were closed you only bothered the person inside if it was very important. 'I'm going to take a nap' had become code for anything from, 'I really am going to take a nap' to 'I'm wanking and don't want any interruptions'.
Carefully he removed his jeans and put them off to one side, then he sat back against one end of his bunk and pulled both magazines into his lap. He decided to start with familiar territory and opened the normal porn. It didn't take much flicking before he was definitely very much aroused and he hadn't needed to touch himself to get hard either. There was little doubt that he was still attracted to the female of the species.
Sitting back he closed the magazine and put it to the side. His reaction made him feel a little better at least; he was pretty sure it wouldn't have taken much to push him over the top if he had continued looking at the graphic pictures and it felt safer having at least some familiar territory. Staring up at the top of his bunk he tried to think of very un-arousing things so that he could continue his little experiment without a head start. It was the mental image of the entire security staff doing the can-can in pink leotards that finally did the trick.
When he was perfectly sure he wasn't aroused in any way, shape or form, he picked up the second mag and opened it. The first picture he found was of a young, bronzed Adonis of a man, leaning against a wall stark naked with his hand around his reasonably large erection. Bill felt a stirring in his loins. He turned the page and found a picture of two men very much attached to each other and he found himself even more interest.
It didn't take a genius to realise that he was definitely attracted to the male form, but he decided to be sure. Slipping his underwear down and his t-shirt up, he propped the magazine up where he could see it and then made himself very comfortable. His cock was half hard as he took hold of it and with a couple of stokes he was completely erect. It felt very good and he was tempted to just keep going with what was in his head, but he stopped himself, because this was a test.
He fixed his eyes on the picture and banished everything else from his head. He let his eyes trace the contours of sculpted male flesh and committed them to his memory as he slowly stroked himself from root to tip. There was something enticing about the tanned skin stretched over visible muscles and he found his gaze wandering all over the picture as his excitement built.
Feeling brave, he reached out with his free hand and turned the page. This picture was tamer; the same two men as in the previous picture were kissing and yet it was hotter. He had to bite his lip to stop from gasping and as he touched himself his hips bucked. Already he knew this was going to be good, he could feel the arousal building through him and it felt very nice indeed. He let himself be one of the men in the picture in his mind and he imagined the lips of the other man touching him.
He didn't think kissing a man would be like kissing a woman; it would probably be harder. Men were more forceful, at least that is what he'd been led to believe by Tom, and for the first time he wondered what it would be like to submit. That was all it took. As he touched himself, he let himself be someone he had never imagined before and his orgasm shot through him with the power of an inferno. He came, gasping as silently as he could as he shot his load all over his stomach. He realised as he lay there trying to gather his wits that this was possibly one of the defining moments of his life.
Bill had been thinking very hard since the previous afternoon, very hard indeed and he had come to one inescapable conclusion. Sitting around a large table with Georg, Gustav, Tom and David eating breakfast he finally let this conclusion sink in.
"I'm bisexual," he announced to the group in general.
Tom grinned at him.
"Glad you got that figured out, Little Brother," his twin said, clearly glad that he had come to terms with it.
Georg nodded in agreement before going back to his cereal and Gustav seemed completely unfazed by the whole thing.
"I've been waiting for you to say that for three years," their drummer said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Bill wished Gustav had told him about it before; it could have helped him explain so much.
Only David seemed to be having a problem; something to do with having inhaled coffee. Bill just gave David a smile as Tom helpfully patted David on the back. He was very glad he had said it; he felt much better now that it was out in the open and he settled down to eat his cornflakes. David was kind of a funny colour, so he made a mental note not to say anything like that again when David had a mouthful of anything.