Fandom: Jrock RPS
Pairing: Gackt/Hyde, Hyde/Megumi (implied)
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, the real people in it are used without their permission and I definitely don't own them or have any copyright to any part of any of them. I do not believe any of this happened, is likely to happen or should happen it is simply a story created around known facts about those involved.
Warnings: werewolves, wanking
Summary: Hyde had come to a time in his life where he has to make a decision and part of that involves telling Gackt a truth he has hidden from the world.
Author's Notes: Thanks to Soph for the beta. This one isn't really about the wanking since the plot got away from me, but there is wanking in there :).
Word count: 5,664
Link: Other MMOM fic
It was pointless watching the big screen; he was just torturing himself, but he still did it. It was only a PV, but Hyde couldn't take his eyes off it. His obsession had been getting worse lately and he found himself doing this more and more often, but Gackt was so beautiful to him. He was consumed by the need and he knew sooner or later he was going to have to do something about it. Wanting Gackt was not new, he had wanted Gackt the first time he had met him, but this obsession was new and it was getting out of hand. He knew why it was getting worse, but he still didn't know what he was going to do about it.
Megumi walked up behind him and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"If you want him then claim him," she said quietly, running her fingers up the side of his neck and into his hair.
"You know I can't do that," he replied, leaning into the touch, but not taking his eyes off the screen.
"You won't have much choice soon," his wife pointed out in a sympathetic, but practical tone; "it is that or leave."
Hyde knew that was true; if he let this get much worse and ran into Gackt they would both be in trouble.
"I could take a sabbatical and wait it out in England or something," Hyde spoke some of what he had been thinking about aloud.
"There would still be no guarantee that the obsession will pass when you evolve," Megumi said calmly; "you might just be left with no ability to do anything about it."
His wife was always practical; he usually was as well, it came with the territory, but he was having trouble maintaining his judgement just at the moment. He had known that a big change was coming in his life, he had been planning for it for a little over two years, but he had not been prepared for his reaction to Gackt. He had buried any feelings he had in friendship and left it at that, but it appeared his other side was far more persistent.
"You have one chance to pass on the gift to a human," Megumi told him; "one chance to share your life-force. If you do not take this opportunity it will be gone."
"What if he doesn't want it?" Hyde asked, voicing his real fear.
"Then he's an idiot and doesn't deserve you," his wife said quietly and then left him.
"Hyde-kun," Gackt greeted with a smile, "how lovely to see you, do come in."
"Hi, Gatchan," Hyde replied, having to resist the urge to do something more than hug back when Gackt embraced him. "Sorry to turn up unannounced, but I needed to talk to you."
"Nothing bad I hope," Gackt said, giving him a concerned frown as his friend ushered him into the house.
"Depends how you define bad," Hyde said as he kicked off his shoes and followed Gackt down the hall to the living room.
Gackt gave him a patented searching look after that.
"Well before we begin, can I offer you anything to drink?" his friend offered, ever the perfect host.
"No thanks," Hyde replied and took a seat when Gackt offered one, "I'm not mixing well with most things at the moment."
That made Gackt's frown deepen.
"Are you unwell, Hyde-kun?" his friend asked, clearly very concerned.
"No, not unwell," he replied, "just changing."
Gackt looked perplexed and he couldn't help feeling a little guilty.
"I think you may need to be sitting down for this," he explained carefully, "because, if you believe me, it's going to be a shock and, if you don't, I'd rather be able to make it to the door before you call the men in white coats."
Gackt looked even more confused, but did sit down.
"What is it you wish to tell me, Hyde-kun?" Gackt asked and Hyde awarded his friend points for staying calm.
"I'm not human," Hyde said, since he had decided that with Gackt, open and honest was the only way to go.
He could pretty it up, but that was the underlying crux of the matter.
"I beg your pardon?" Gackt said, clearly not believing what he was hearing.
Hyde sighed quietly; they were obviously going to have to do this the hard way.
"I'm not human," he repeated in an as reasonable tone as he knew how.
For a few moments Gackt was silent and Hyde let his friend think.
"Hyde-kun," Gackt said eventually, "I have known you for some time now and you have never before given any indication that you were anything apart from human. Your son also does not appear to exhibit any signs of an unusual nature."
"He won't," Hyde replied in an even voice; "not until he is approximately fifteen anyway. As a species we're very similar to humans when we're young, it is only as we grow older we become less so."
It was quite clear that Gackt did not believe him, but it was also clear that his friend did not wish to offend him and was trying to figure out how to convince him he was delusional without being too obvious.
"Megumi is not human either," Hyde added, just in case Gackt was wondering.
"If you are not human, Hyde-kun," Gackt said in a very careful tone, "what are you?"
"I'm a werewolf," he replied and waited for Gackt to laugh at him.
Gackt, however, did not laugh.
"A werewolf?" Gackt finally sounded incredulous.
"A werewolf," Hyde returned with a nod. "No, it is not a curse, no it is not passed on via a bite, no we are not ruled by the phases of the moon, however, we do have the ability to become wolves. We use this ability very little when we are young, but, when we reach a certain age, we change. We no longer age and we become stronger and faster and closer to our wolf. I am approaching this time now, which is why I have suddenly begun advertising that I am having certain procedures. Once this is over, certain imperfections will probably have gone and it is likely the damage from my childhood accident will correct itself."
Gackt sat there looking at him for a while, digesting what he had said. He could see that Gackt knew that he believed every word he was saying, he could also tell that Gackt thought he had lost it.
"Why are you telling me?" his friend eventually asked.
He actually saw Gackt's eyes flick to the phone.
"Because I have an offer for you that you might want nothing to do with, but I have to explain everything first," he said openly, "and if it will make you more comfortable you are welcome to pick up your mobile and prepare to speed dial someone at the first sign of foaming at the mouth."
Gackt looked mortified to have been caught.
"Here, have mine," Hyde said and pulled his out of his coat pocket, throwing it at his friend, because he knew Gackt would never pick up the other one now. "I am not insane and I am not about to do anything to you. All I ask is that you give me a chance to explain everything and do not dismiss it until I am finished."
There was silence for a few moments, but then Gackt nodded.
"I will listen," was all his friend said.
Hyde sat back in his seat and decided where to start. He had spent hours rehearsing this, but he still wasn't quite sure.
"Werewolves is what humans called us in the past," he began slowly; "and most of the legends are more mixed up race memory that anything else. We have been around as long as humans, but we breed very slowly and have always been a very small group, so we hide. Megumi and I did not meet by chance; the whole thing was a set up, we only arranged to make it look that way. Our marriage was decided when we were children by our community; breeding is considered very carefully since the cycle is so long and conception happens very rarely. I would never, ever abandon Mei-chan or our son, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm gay."
From the expression on Gackt's face that might have been the straw that broke the camel's back.
"Don't tell me you didn't notice at least something," Hyde said bluntly; "Tetsu had me pegged from the moment he met me, but he just thinks I come from a very uptight family."
Gackt didn't say anything, but Hyde could tell his friend was thinking and picking out the signs from their friendship.
"You have always hidden it well in public," Gackt finally said.
"In public I can fake it as well as you can," Hyde said, deciding to lay all his cards on the table.
Gackt's face went as cold as stone.
"What are you implying, Hyde-kun?" his friend asked in a tone that could have frozen hell.
Hyde did not take his eyes from Gackt as he formulated his reply. He knew what he knew and he was not about to let Gackt wiggle out of this one.
"That is it very difficult to hide things from a wolf's nose," he said in an even tone. "When I first met you, you were sleeping with You-kun; his scent was all over you. That ended pretty soon afterwards, mutually, I assume, since I know you occasionally sleep with him still. You've had other male lovers as well; I've smelt them on you. You're either bisexual or gay and doing a very good job of pretending to like women as well."
Gackt did not move or say anything, so Hyde decided to plough on.
"I don't normally take much notice of what my nose tells me about things like that," he admitted, wondering if Gackt would ever thaw towards him again, "but I did with you. I couldn't help myself, because I've been hideously jealous of every man you've ever taken to your bed."
That's made Gackt's expression soften just a little bit.
"I've wanted you since the moment I met you," Hyde finally confessed, "and I think I fell in love with you on the set of Moon Child.”
The ice left Gackt's face at that.
"Why have you never told me?" his friend finally asked.
"Because I'm not human and I didn't see how it could work," he replied slowly. "I did not want you to be just a casual lover, so I buried my feelings, and it was only recently I realised they were much deeper than I had let myself believe."
"But why now?" Gackt asked the only really sensible question.
"Because once I evolve," he continued his explanation, "that's what we call it, unless I do something very stupid which results in my brain being disconnected from my nervous system I'm going to live for several hundred years. Wolves mate for life. Mei-chan is my wife, not my mate. My wolf decided it wanted you a long time ago and now my wolf is coming closer and closer to the surface."
"How could a werewolf and a human couple possibly work with such different life spans?" Hyde noticed that Gackt did not sound as incredulous anymore.
"It couldn't," he said, glad that his friend had asked the pertinent question; "that's why we have a gift. We have one chance when we evolve, one opportunity to share our life-force and make a human like us."
As he watched, he saw the implications of his statement dawning in Gackt's eyes.
"Were all the pretty words ever real, Gatchan?" he asked quietly.
Gackt did not reply for a long time.
"Yes they were real," his friend said eventually; "I just never imagined you would ever be interested."
"Oh, I've been interested since the day I met you," he promised faithfully. "From everything I've told you, you must know why I'm here."
His friend gazed at him, showing no emotion and Hyde let himself be examined.
"You are offering me this gift," Gackt said slowly after a minute or so.
"What would it mean if I accepted?" Gackt asked in a completely reasonable tone.
He could not be sure that his friend believed everything that he had said, but it was clear Gackt was at least not dismissing it completely.
"You would become like me," Hyde replied, picking his words carefully. "You would gain the freedom of the wolf, you would cease aging and I would make it my business to ensure you were happy for the rest of your life."
"I would be changed by your life force?" Gackt asked, still showing no signs one way or the other.
Hyde nodded again.
"Would we be connected?" his friend asked.
That was not the next question he had been expecting and it took him aback for a while.
"I don't know," he eventually revealed; "it is different every time. There have only been three conversions in the last two hundred years. It is possible."
Gackt appeared to take this in his stride and just accept it, but Gackt was at his most unreadable and even with his enhanced senses, Hyde couldn't tell what his friend was thinking.
"And what does Megumi-san think of you coming here?" Gackt asked in an emotionless tone.
"She told me to," he explained with ease since it was perfectly true. "I love her, she loves me, but it is a love of friends not lovers."
He made sure to look Gackt directly in the eye when he said that so that there was no doubt he was telling the truth.
"Can you prove any of this?" was the enquiry Hyde had been expecting that finally arrived.
"That's the easy part," Hyde said with a small smile.
He stood up and took off his jacket.
"What are you doing?" Gackt asked, clearly surprised by what he was doing.
"Proving what I am," Hyde replied, pulling off his shirt over his head and putting it on the chair behind him; "I do not wish to destroy my clothes. Think of it this way; if I am delusional I will be easier to subdue naked."
It was supposed to lighten the atmosphere, but Gackt just looked more worried, so Hyde stripped as quickly and efficiently as possible. His friend still hadn't moved to stop him, but Gackt looked like this was almost too much. The wolf was very close to the surface at the moment and Hyde did not have to reach far into himself to find it. Touching the wolf inside filled him with a sense of power and it was as if he could feel the cold wind blowing through the mountains and over his fur as he stared at the moon.
Megumi had once told him that her wolf was always standing in the sun in the woods when she embraced it, but Hyde's was a night creature. As he felt the shifting of bones and twisting of sinews begin in his body, it was almost as if he standing under the stars looking into the pure dark of a primeval sky. The transformation did not hurt, although he could feel every change in his physical shape; it was more a liberating than painful experience. When fur began to erupt from his skin, it itched, but the sensation only lasted as long as it took his shaggy black coat to complete itself and that was the most unpleasant thing.
He was completely unaware of everything else as he shifted from one shape to another; it was the time when a werewolf was most vulnerable and he shook himself from head to tail as he began to come back to reality. When he opened his eyes, seeing the world as a wolf rather than a man, he found that Gackt was on his feet. There was the smell of fear coming off his friend, fear and shock and he looked up at Gackt, turning his head on one side to try and figure out what was going through his friend's mind.
Gackt's stance was shocked and scared and Hyde sat down slowly, not wanting to frighten his friend anymore. His wolf form was easily bigger than his frame as a human and there was nothing tame about his other form and he did not want Gackt to be afraid of him. Moving with intricate care he lowered himself to the floor and placed his head on his paws, wagging his tail just a little in a friendly gesture.
For a while the tableau held and then suddenly Gackt laughed; an unusual and somewhat hysterical sound, before his friend sat down as if his legs had refused to hold him anymore. Hyde stood up and risked a move towards the object of his affection, approaching like a beta in the pack would approach the alpha so as not to make the situation worse.
Gackt was staring at him with wide open eyes and Hyde made a small noise of greeting, hoping for some sort of response. It was clear to him that he had just shocked Gackt to the very core. Whether his friend had believed even part of his story it was clear he had been mostly disbelieved. In his wolf form he could not communicate well with a human and Gackt did not seem to be in any state to try so he backed away again.
The reverse transformation was just as easy and as Gackt continued to stare at him he pulled back on most of his clothes. He did not want to push and so he stood there, half dressed, waiting for some sort of response.
"It's real," Gackt said eventually.
"All of it," Hyde said, doing his best to appear completely calm.
His heart was racing as he waited for complete rejection, but he kept his outside absolutely controlled. If Gackt could not cope with this, it would destroy him, but he was not about to force anything on his friend.
"And you want to give this to me?" Gackt asked as if the idea completely bemused him.
"I want to give you everything," Hyde replied with stark honesty.
There was no point in hiding anything now; Gackt knew his most closely guarded secret. He waited as patiently as he could, trying not to fidget as Gackt continued to look at him.
"I need time to think," his friend said eventually.
It was not what his desires had hoped for, but it was better than outright dismissal and Hyde nodded slowly.
"Call me if you make a decision," Hyde said quietly as he pulled his jacket back on.
Gackt was still looking dazed, but his friend did manage a small nod before Hyde moved to show himself out.
Hyde looked at his packed cases for the hundredth time as he walked towards the front door. The cases had been sitting there for two days now and he knew he was going to have to use them soon. It had been nearly two weeks with no word from Gackt and his obsession was reaching new heights. It seemed that seeing and talking to Gackt had only escalated it and he had been considering leaving for over forty eight hours now.
He was so distracted with his thoughts that he didn't even look through the spy hole to see who was outside his door, he just opened it. Megumi was out, so somewhere in his mind he just assumed it was his wife coming home. What he didn't expect was to open the door and be hit by a very familiar scent. It curled into his nose and through his head and caused little sparks to run through every nerve in his body.
There on his doorstep was Gackt and he froze at his friend looked at him through blue coloured contacts.
"Hyde-kun I ..."
Hyde slammed the door before the instinct to jump Gackt there and then took over and turning he threw his back against the door, breathing hard. Every fibre of his being was screaming at him to drag Gackt into his home and take him whether Gackt liked it or not. It was very difficult not to follow through on the impulse and the only thing stopping him was the door. Gackt’s presence had come as a bit of a shock and it took him long seconds to calm himself down enough to even consider opening the door.
Part of him knew that letting Gackt in could have huge consequences, but he couldn't just leave his friend in the hallway and, after some very deep breaths, he reached for the latch again.
Gackt was still standing in exactly the same place looking perplexed.
"Sorry," Hyde said, taking a cautious step back from the door as it swung open; "you took me by surprise and I'm having some impulse control issues at the moment."
"I should have called," Gackt said in immediate response, "it is I who should be apologising."
Gackt voice sent shivers up Hyde spine.
"Please come in," he said, doing his best not to react and took another step back, "but forgive me if I keep a little distance."
"I will leave if I am causing you problems," Gackt offered, clearly not quite sure how to react, which was unusual for the normally perfectly poised singer.
"No," Hyde said, a little too fast as his wolf firmly sat on that idea, "it's not a problem."
He backed away a little more from the door and Gackt came in and shut it. Gackt was dressed very casually, not like his stage persona, but Hyde still thought his friend looked perfect as Gackt toed off his tennis shoes. He so wanted to reach out and touch, but he did not dare.
"Forgive me, Hyde-kun, but you appear somewhat distressed," Gackt said, turning back.
Hyde had to conclude that that was Gackt's way of saying he looked like a maniac who had just escaped from the asylum, because that was how he felt.
"My visit to you sped up the evolution process," he explained as well as he could, still backing away towards the living room; "and it's not good for my control."
He almost fell over his suitcases as he failed to take his eyes off his friend.
"Are you going somewhere?" Gackt asked, sounding surprised.
"Away from you," Hyde more or less blurted out before he thought about it.
Gackt looked shocked and then a little hurt.
"I didn't want to do anything you would regret," he added quickly, "and my wolf is becoming insistent. You haven't called."
Now Gackt appeared guilty.
"I am sorry, Hyde-kun," his friend said almost instantly, "I have been thinking very hard. I did not realise how long."
With anyone else Hyde would have called a lie, with Gackt it was entirely possible that his friend had completely lost track. When Gackt became focused it was rather like a hawk finding prey; tunnel vision of the extreme.
"Did you come to any decisions?" Hyde asked, doing his best not the trip on anything else as he backed away some more, but couldn't take his eyes off Gackt.
The wild part of his nature was urging him in the other direction, but he had enough self control left to hold on ... just.
"I needed to ask you something," Gackt replied, not really answering the question.
Hyde made a noise to indicate Gackt should go on.
"Why do you love me?"
Hyde laughed; he couldn’t help it. There was nothing simple about Gackt, and that had to be one of the hardest, most complicated questions ever. He really wasn't in any state of mind to answer it.
"Why do I love you," he repeated to himself as his wolf's answer echoed through his body.
He didn't know if Gackt expected something long and complicated in return or some sort of simple rationalisation, but for Hyde there was only one answer.
"You are everything," he said simply.
To his wolf the ultimate aim was to find a mate. There was nothing more important. Human sensibilities had skewed that pure instinct to find the perfect match and breed; he had already passed on his genes, but that hadn't dulled the need in him. The ultimate aim in his life was to find the one who matched him, balanced him, made him invincible against the rest of the universe. He had found that match in Gackt and that was all there was to it.
"Everything?" Gackt asked, sounding almost awed by his response.
Hyde nodded; he had no other words. Now all he could do was wait.
Gackt looked at him with those intense eyes and it took every ounce of strength Hyde had not to fall to his knees and beg.
"I accept," Gackt said finally.
Hyde felt the ball of tension that had been building in his chest since he had told Gackt the truth evaporate in an instant and with it went any semblance of control. It seemed, however, that the tension had been holding him together and he felt his legs beginning to cave in as relief so encompassing swept through him that it took his breath away. He hadn't expected to react quite like that and the only reason he didn't headbutt the floor was because Gackt was very fast. Strong arms caught him before he could pitch forward and Gackt's scent hit him head on, and for a while nothing made a huge amount of sense.
"Hyde-kun?" Gackt voice seemed to be very far away down a tunnel for a while.
Of all things he felt himself being picked up, which made him want to laugh, but he didn't have the motor control for that. The world was a little confusing right at that moment and, when it finally began to make sense again, he found that he was sitting down with his head between his knees. It occurred to him as up and down righted themselves in his head that he had just almost fainted and he was instantly mortified; he was such a big bad wolf.
"Hyde-kun," Gackt said as he raised his head slowly and looked at his friend, "are you well?"
"You said 'yes'," Hyde said rather stupidly since it was the only thing in his head.
Gackt gave him a small nod.
The relief was fading now and in its place was a burning passion that Hyde had no reason to fight anymore. As his mind and body came back into line, he let go of his instincts and just reacted.
Gackt was sitting next to him on his sofa and it took him only moments to push his friend, no his mate, back into the cushions, covering Gackt's body with his own and attaching his lips to Gackt's. For a moment Gackt felt shocked and stiff, but then his mate's body melted against his own and Gackt was kissing back with almost as much passion. It was heady and wonderful and, when Gackt opened his mouth, the battle of tongues was enough to remove any sensible thought from Hyde's mind.
When he began literally ripping at Gackt's shirt, because he didn't have the patience to unbutton it, part of him realised he was way beyond lucid, but most of him didn't care. Gackt didn't seem to care either, since his mate made no move to stop him at all. They were in the living room on the sofa, but Hyde couldn't have given a damn; he had Gackt now and that was the only thing in his head.
This was not a subtle meeting of men, or a gentle exploration; it was a carnal need burning through Hyde like a forest fire, but it was only as he attached his mouth to one of Gackt's nipples, sucking hard, and he finally managed to release Gackt's flies and shove his hand into his mate's underwear that he realised it was something else as well.
He froze, fingers wrapped around Gackt's cock, tongue about to do unnameable things to his mate's chest and he slowly looked up into Gackt's face.
"Now," he said, barely holding himself together, "it's happening now."
He could feel his innate power swirling inside of him. The energy usually locked in his cells giving him the ability to shift his shape was breaking free, becoming an entity of its own. For now it was trapped in his body, but it was building; he could feel it.
"Don't stop," Gackt whispered and that was all the permission he needed.
Lowering his head, he nipped at Gackt's chest, tasting the flesh with his tongue, learning everything about his mate. Gackt was growing hard under his hand, lifting into his touch as he moved his fingers, and he rubbed his mate as well as he could. Gackt's trousers were loose and casual, but his mate's underwear was not and it was a difficult angle to begin with. The sounds Gackt was making told him his mate was enjoying this, but it wasn't enough for him. Removing his hand, he took hold of the material of Gackt's underwear and pulled, soon being rewarded with a wonderful ripping sound.
Now, when he replaced his hand, he had plenty of room to manoeuvre and the way Gackt panted as he ran his fingers over the head of his mate's cock, this was better for both of them.
There was nothing slow or considered about this act of carnal love, as Hyde all but attacked Gackt, showering his mate with as many sensations as he could. He was hard under his clothes, hard and wanting, but this was not about mutual gratification, it was about claiming. The power inside him needed to know that Gackt was his, that Gackt would be part of him for as long as he lived, and there was no time for anything gentle or soft.
He played Gackt hard, reading his mate's every move and going for only one goal. There would be time for the joining of bodies later, for the sweet slow love making that could go on for hours; this was about acceptance and surrender and base desire. The wolf in him demanded it and, when Gackt arched into his touch, fingers digging into his back and voice crying out his name, that was all he needed.
Hyde felt his soul shatter as his power exploded through him, ripping apart cells and reforming them in an instant. It was like dieing and being reborn in a single moment in time that might have been eternity and the energy flared out of him like a shock wave. When it entered his mate, he felt it, not just where Gackt's body stiffened below him, but at a fundamental level. He felt his being as it was ripped from him and forced into something that was alien, something that was not compatible. Only then did he understand quite how different he was from a human being, only as the power that defined him tore into his mate and changed what it found.
It was the best and the worst experience of his life. The sensations running through him were beyond pain and he felt Gackt slump and go limp after only moments, but he was not permitted the same grace. This was his life, his soul and he had to live through every second as it changed him and his mate. Never had he felt anything like it, not the first time he had embraced his wolf shape, not when he and Megumi had become one to create a new life. This was the most incredible feeling he had ever experienced and it made the rest of reality irrelevant for a long time.
He had no idea how much time had passed when the real world finally began to make sense again, but he was lying on top of Gackt, hand still clasped around his mate's now soft cock. Very slowly he disentangled himself from his still unconscious lover and pushed himself a little away from Gackt so he could look.
Gackt had always been beautiful to him, but there was something almost unreal about his mate now, even so close up. The small signs of age that Gackt had always tried so hard to prevent and then hide were gone and his mate was simply perfect. Lying there in the ruins of his clothes, Gackt was the most beautiful thing Hyde had ever seen.
He tried to move so that he could see more, but that proved to be a mistake. His body didn't seem to be quite under his control properly and he felt himself sliding off Gackt and the sofa before he could do anything about it. He landed quite hard on his rump and found himself collapsing backwards onto the floor as coordination failed him completely. He eventually came to a stop staring at the ceiling with no strength to move.
His higher brain wanted to help Gackt, to cover his mate up and make sure everything was fine, but his body had other ideas. He tried to roll over, to do something other than lie there, but he just couldn't put the muscle power together to do it. He was so tired it was hard just to keep his eyes open and eventually he couldn't even do that. He was too happy to be really worried and he surrendered the fight without trying too hard. If he had had more time he might have thought things through a little better, but, as he drifted to sleep, he could only hope Megumi didn't bring a friend home. If she did they were going to get an eyeful.